Managing Dramas!

Dramas and energy

Dramas!  I expect we all have enough of them in our lives but it is the insidious, perpetual ones that can exhaust us and alter our own behaviour.  I recently re-read The Celestine Prophecy by James Refield , the sixth insight struck home about the control dramas that each of us have developed since childhood.

According to the book there are four types of control dramas and they all have a way of taking away energy from others.

Intimidator – aggressive behaviour, threatening physically or verbally, and the other person is forced to pay attention to them and so give energy.

Interrogator – asking questions and probing into the other person’s world in order to find fault or criticize.  The other person can then feel more wary or self-conscious thus giving their energy away to the “interrogator”.

Aloof – this is when the person creates a mystery or silence around them in order to get others to guess or search out how they are feeling.  The more they remain vague or non-communicative the more others are drawn into their energy to seek out what is going on.

Poor Me – when that person constantly focuses on everything that is horrible  happening to them, when nothing right happens for them.  This can have the effect of others somehow feeling responsible for this, feeling guilty thus once again giving away energy to them.

These behaviours have been described in many different ways such as assertive/aggressive/ passive or in parent/adult/child terms.

How we develop our own control dramas is often a result of our parents control dramas so an “Intimidator” can result in a “Poor Me” and an “Interrogator” in someone being aloof.

Equally aloof dramas can create an interrogator behaviour and a poor me approach can also result in an explosion into intimidator.

So how do we deal with these control dramas? As with most things, first of all be aware that it is happening and then, if appropriate reflect back to them what is happening.   For example:  “Rather than me guessing about X why don’t you tell me?” (Aloof)  “I realise that X has happened to you but I’m not responsible for it” (Poor Me).

The key approach after this is to send or treat the person, from your own place of energy and strength, with kindness and compassion, understand where they are coming from.  I realise that is not necessarily an easy thing to do but by changing the energy between the two parties you manage to retain your own energy and sense of self-worth whilst, hopefully, affecting the others person’s energy state into one of calmness, peace and compassion.

“We humans have always sought to increase our personal energy in the only manner we have known, by seeking to psychologically steal it from the others–an unconscious competition that underlies all human conflict in the world.” ― James Redfield, The Celestine Prophecy

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>